To Smack Your Child Or Not?
The “smack your child or not smack your child” debate hit the news again recently with the Royal Australian College of Physicians calling for a legal ban on parents being able to smack your children. This is a sensitive topic with most people having very definite views on whether it should be allowed or not.
I’d like to start by saying in our household we do smack or at least we have done in the past. There I said it. My wife and I are on our way to our late 30’s and like many people from this era and earlier, we were smacked, hit and even sometimes belted! Sounds awful doesn’t it. Belted. But that was reality for many kids “back in the day” wasn’t it.
Even though we were bought up getting a tap on the hand or behind for various indiscretions, we have now chosen not to smack our children. I’ll point out that it’s not because either of us harbour any grudges towards smacking or the parents that administered said smacking. It didn’t appear to harm either of us or anyone we know for that matter, but that isn’t the case for everyone is it.
We choose not to smack because we simply find it ineffective. While it’s actually only been used for grossly inappropriate behaviour, after years of having it in the disciplinary toolkit, we’re shelving it. Or more to the point, we are trying to. I’ll be really honest now and let you know we haven’t mastered “not smacking”. Every so often we take “the easy route” and pull it out of our parenting tool kit. It’s used more of a threat these days and we seldom have to go through with it, but it’s still there and we don’t want it to be.
It’s because of this desire to get rid of smacking for good, that we’re always on the lookout for tips and tricks and we read a particularly good article on the topic just last week. The set of tips below is from an article written by parenting expert Michael Grose from www.parentingideas.com.au.
Alternatives to smacking:
1. Time out: This is designed to either give kids a chance to think about their behaviour or just break a pattern of poor behaviour. It doesn’t work for all but it’s a better alternative than smacking. It doesn’t have to be in their bedrooms; sometimes a chair or mat near you is enough.
2. Parental time-out: Make sure your kids are safe then go to the bathroom for a time if you are about to lose your cool.
3. Behavioural consequences: Implement a consequence (remove from a their friends if hurting them, go home if misbehaving in public) that is related to the crime, reasonable and respectful to kids. Don’t over talk while putting it in place and stick to your guns because kids can say things to make your feel guilty.
4. Tactical ignoring: Recognise some misbehaviour is to get up your nose so don’t let it work.
5. Pre-empt poor behaviour: I know kids can be unpredictable but smart parents will get on the front foot and minimise the likelihood of poor behaviour. Think ahead and prepare kids and yourself when you go into public spaces. Make sure your routines are child-friendly and make sure they get good attention when they are behaving well, because some kids mess up just to be noticed.
So there you go, some great tips to help you keep your promise to not smack your child if you’ve made it, like we have or to use as a great foundation for to start “not smacking” from. I view smacking as the “easy” parenting option. Doing things simply because they are easy doesn’t sit well with me. I’d rather take the harder route if it brings about better outcomes, particularly when it comes to my children. So if the Royal Australian College of Physicians say the right way is not to smack your children, then sign me up; my kids are totally worth it.
Leigh
PS: If you can read the full article from Michael Grose here.
Leigh Grigaliunas
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August 7, 2013 @ 10:26 am
I am not ashamed to say our family condones smacking in certain circumstances.
A swift smack to the rear end is a last resort in our house… Used only when other forms of punishment are not working and only for serious behavioural infringements.
I don’t believe we should be told how to parent our children.
August 7, 2013 @ 10:26 am
I stopped giving my kids a smack on the bum but there is nothing wrong with a smack on the bum
August 7, 2013 @ 10:31 am
No smacking in my home. I don’t always get it right, but I won’t hit my children. I don’t care what other families do, as long as no lines are crossed in terms of abusive stuff then I support a loving parent raising their children as they see fit.
August 7, 2013 @ 10:42 am
Lead by example. If you don’t want your kids to hit others then don’t hit them.
August 7, 2013 @ 10:58 am
A smack on the bum is fine in our home and only used as a last resort also, I think there is a huge difference in definition of a smack and once only as after that you are not dealing with the issue at hand but rather your own anger. Psychologically having an instant pain response reinforces in the brain that if you do that behaviour there is a painful consequence which also teaches kids about boundaries/consequence. I think when you have people telling you how to parent your own children it is crazy unless a child is being put in danger.
August 7, 2013 @ 10:59 am
Makes no sense to hit a child at all to me.
August 8, 2013 @ 9:44 am
The reason so many children are so rude to adults and disrespect them as well is because they don’t get smacked. I’m not saying they should get belted like we did but a smack will do the trick. I tried that positive parenting rubbish on my middle child who is my hardest and that was a joke. He realised at a very young age that when I told him to sit in time out that if he didn’t do it then I couldn’t do anything . I took things off him and he didn’t care. I stopped him from going places and he didn’t care. If he got a smack then he cared.. As soon as they said you can’t smack your kids all of a sudden Add and Adhd came in. I was too scared to speak back to my parents, because I would get a belting but I am a sane person and I have manners which a lot of people now a days don’t have. I hear some of my friends children speaking to their mothers so rudely and they know nothing will be done. we are raising a bunch of bad mannered and disrespectful children because someone with no children probably has said how we should raise our children even though every child is different. Said my peace now. Thank you.
August 8, 2013 @ 10:11 am
BronwynSmith thanks for getting on your soapbox Bronwyn. Well said 🙂
November 19, 2013 @ 8:54 pm
I agree with Bronwyn, when I was pregnant with my second child, I was out doing the grocery shopping with my eldest (then 3).
As we exited the busy Melbourne supermarket, my 3yo decided to no longer hold onto the shopping trolley (despite many TALKS about the consequences) and proceeded to dash into the middle of the even busier Melbourne carpark….I must admit time managed to stand still and move at breakneck speed as I watched him run straight into the path of an oncoming 4WD, letting go of my trolley I managed to somehow reach him (despite my usual pregnant waddling gait) I then hauled him back by his shirt and proceeded to deliver a firm smack on his behind.
After reassuring the rather terrified 4WD driver that there was no harm done (other than to their sanity) I turned to find an elderly woman glaring at me, confused I asked if there was an issue (the answer was already coming to me by that time), sure enough she gave me a mouthful about smacking my child and the damage it could do. Some how I managed to maintain my composure and gave her the much censored reply of “it would have been more damaging if the car had hit him” before raising my chin and waddling away with as much dignity as possible.
My son has never run onto a road or carpark again.
Abuse is not acceptable, but there is a line (as fine as it may be) between abuse and discipline. Young children do not have the capabilities to negotiate nor to always understand the meaning in your words, they do however have the ability to detect your tone of voice and understand that what follows is not fun and therefore it is better to leave well enough alone.