Mental health is not a term I am fond of although there is a lot spoken about it in social media these days. I like to think of it as exercising your emotional muscle or perhaps keeping an eye on the state of your emotional energy or fitness.
‘Be empathic’ I see everywhere and never any instructions on how to ‘do’ empathy. When I first came across my teacher, Dr Marshall Rosenberg he was giving a four step method that was simple to remember. His research and the process he developed has made a huge difference and still does to how I feel when I am distressed or when I notice I’m sagging a bit and needing a boost.
I am now aware that being fully heard is something we rarely experience especially from those with whom we have conflict.
I’ve studied personal development and fitness for many years. They seem to be related; if you eat the right food your system will be buoyant you will have energy and if you drink enough water and get enough sleep you will generally feel more energised. If you have enough social skills and awareness you will generally get along with people and with these two components working together you have a great start toward being successful in the workplace.
Many people have been drawn to me, and asked for my support. Enough people have approached me that I decided quite some time ago, to dedicate my life to helping a lot of people overcome problems in relationships and with depleted energy.”
Physical energy is the raw fuel for igniting our emotional skills and talents. In order to perform at our best we must access pleasant and positive emotions: enjoyment, challenge, adventure, and opportunity. Emotions that arise out of fear, anger, frustration or sadness have a toxic feel to them and release the stress hormone cortisol. When there is ongoing stress, cortisol sticks around is the hormone most responsible for weight gain.
As I see it, emotional intelligence is simply the capacity to manage our emotional energy skilfully.
The key ‘muscles’ or competencies that fuel positive emotion are self- confidence, self- control, social skills and empathy.
Smaller supportive ‘muscles’ include patience, openness, trust and enjoyment.
Access to these emotional muscles that best serve performance at work depends on creating a balance between exercising them regularly, like practising something like self -empathy, to give a mid-air refuel or intermittently seeking recovery, like a holiday or a massage.
Try this to help with your next mid-air refuel, it can be done as quickly as 30 seconds once practiced; take 2 deep breaths, exhale 1 second longer than the inhale, this soothes the parasympathetic nervous system and you will feel less anxious. Then ask yourself what am I feeling right now? Perhaps irritated? Sad? Hurt?
Then check for what is that you value that might be absent, some values all humans on the planet have are peace, structure, freedom, authenticity, appreciation, purpose and to matter to name a few that sometimes surface in the both the workplace and at home. For a full needs list you can go to www.keystoneskills.com.au/how-it-works.html and download one.
Then check what is you might like to request of yourself or the other person, a request of yourself might be something like, I will go and get some tea and sit quietly . A request or the other person might be, ‘ would you be willing to talk over coffee this afternoon’?
I would love to know how you go, I welcome questions and stories it helps me learn what people are going through and how best to support.
When our emotional muscles are insufficient to meet demand we can have a lack of confidence or too little patience for example, and we must build capacity to recover. The first part of recovery can be achieved with self-empathy.
Glyn is passionate about communicating the truth with care. She realised an unclaimed source of her own energy is when she can free herself from guilt. Once this freedom is reached she found she could think and communicate more simply and clearly with the courage to ask for what she wanted. Glyn now enables others to more easily have their message heard and the listener more readily agrees to their requests.