By the way, there is an extra bonus that comes from clearing conflict and having clear communication. After all the holidays and Christmas special eating, I’ve learned that if I want to affect my weight or my fitness levels I need to look at the stress levels in my life, which include my relationships. This is where the key lies to unlocking my struggle, and then I will shed kilos rapidly.
12 essentials to communicating
Without thinking or formulating what your next comment will be
Ernest Hemingway once said: “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”
Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. People pick up on this and don’t really enjoy talking to someone who is not listening fully.
2. Speaking for short bursts
Most people can only remember short pieces of conversation so perhaps checking what has been heard would be a good way of nudging your listener to see if they are still awake or engaged and to check if your message has been clear.
3. Asking too many questions
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. Try asking open questions like what was it that started you in this field of work?
When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why. If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.
Asking questions-open questions if you want more information, closed questions if you don’t.
One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:
- Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster.
- Speak up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
- Speak clearly.
- Speak with emotion. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying
Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective.
What you were hearing as the most important content or important to the speaker. They will enjoy that you are listening.
Reflecting in your own words and including a value that you heard was important.
Asking if they seem to be unhappy about something or in conflict about what action to take next you could try asking if they would like support from you at this stage? Only if you want to. Try to ensure your support is given with the energy of a child feeding hungry ducks.
Balancing listening and talking can be tricky if you are worried you may forget something that you think is interesting. Sometimes relaxing more can help you remember more.
And there are ways to interrupt with grace, simply by saying ‘I would like to interrupt you there’ and then continue with a quick sentence so they know quite quickly why you have interrupted.
10. Having to be right
Avoid having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion, it’s more of a way of sharing how things are for each other. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation.
Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. If someone is investing in the conversation they may like you to invest too.
12. Setting clear communication goals
Do this mostly so you can remember them when it counts!
When you think of the past year, what would be your biggest conversation challenge, or the relationship you want to fix most?
Glyn is passionate about communicating the truth with care. She realised an unclaimed source of her own energy is when she can free herself from guilt. Once this freedom is reached she found she could think and communicate more simply and clearly with the courage to ask for what she wanted. Glyn now enables others to more easily have their message heard and the listener more readily agrees to their requests.